Faggot
by Palavra Escravo
Summary: AU He was disgusting, he was the only one who knew it, no one could ever know. Jacob's life spirals out of control as a young man desperately tries to save him from himself. EdxJacob some PaulxJacob JamesxJacob
1. 0

**F*ggot**_

* * *

_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. ^_^_

_A/N: I have nothing against gay people and I don't use the word faggot, I wanted to use it to express the emotions that Jacob goes through such as his self hatred and the turmoil he's going through... I hope everyone can understand this and won't pelt me. Besides this piece is kind of a stepping stone for me, off I go into unknown territory..._

_Warnings: Cutting, underage sex with minors, drug abuse, etc. _

_There are some naughty bits in this chapter._

_Summary: AU He was disgusting, he was the only one who knew it, know one could ever know. EdxJacob some PaulxJacob JamesxJacob

* * *

_

**Part One: FALL**

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* * *

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_0. "Are there any queers in the audience tonight?"_

* * *

He was disgusting. Every time he looked at himself he felt the deep rooted hatred for people like himself. He'd stare for hours just wondering why he was so cursed. Why was he such a freak. His arms showed it, it was the only way he could ever express himself. He'd take the razor he hid in a crack in his bed frame and slice. He'd slice away the pain, the hatred, the self-abuse, and most of all himself. He was a monster, he was different!

Jacob pulled at his long dark hair. His wrist arched at the sudden movement, but the bandages caught the weeping scabs leaks underneath. Billy would hate him, his own father would make him leave if he knew. Know could know how filthy he was, how awful his secret was. He was one of those people, one of those kind.

He was…a _faggot._

XX

* * *

XX

_Three Years Later_

_XX_

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* * *

XX  
_

The lights flared in the darkness of the gymnasium. The loud music was enough to make anyone's ears bleed but all the teens danced to it. They romped, grinded, shuffled, and moved in the center of the gym.

However, while most were having the time of their life at the homecoming dance some weren't having it out on the dance floor. Huddled in the bathroom was an overly eager Paul pressing against Jacob in the cramped stall.

"Un.."

Jacob winced, it always hurt whenever Paul stretched him. Paul pushes into too roughly and Jacob is always left with a somewhat sore feeling on the outside. However he always manages to hit Jacob's prostate after he shoves in a second finger.

"Ah!"

I pleasurable pressure caused Jacob to clench and arch a little.

"A-are you sure no…….one's gonna come in." Jacob

Paul grunted a little, and pushed Jacob's legs farther apart and pressed the other boy a bit harder against the wall. He let his left hand drift over to Jacob's front and grasp his cock tightly. Jacob let out a breathy moan as more pleasure assaulted his senses.

"The door's locked and I didn't bring a date anyway." Paul

Jacob rocked his hips back onto Paul's fingers.

This wasn't abnormal, this was something he did to feel good. Having sex with Paul made him feel real good. It was really nothing with Paul anyways. They weren't in any relationships with other people so jealousy was practically impossible. They were intimate due to the fact that this secret was shared and an equal burden on both parties. Paul's fingers withdrew and Jacob felt pressure on his entrance.

Paul pressed hard and fast into him. One hand laced with Jacobs as he began to moan and rock against the other. His head leaned over Jacob's shoulder as he continued their usual routine.

Jacob felt love as Paul laced their fingers.

Yes. He felt loved.

* * *

Homecoming was fun enough.

Two days later Paul and him were now laying in his room. Billy was out again, and Paul had stayed over for the weekend. Tomorrow was school again since Homecoming official marked the beginning of their junior year.

Paul stroke Jacobs long dark hair, something that he'd been doing more of as of late. While Jacob appreciated the attentiveness Paul showed sometimes, occasionally it unnerved him. The quiet intensity of Paul's gazes left Jacob filled with want for…something he couldn't describe.

"Are you thirsty?" Paul asked quietly breaking the intense silence of the muted TV.

"A bit." Paul pushed Jacobs head out of his lap and hulked over to the kitchen.

Despite the gesture Jacob knew Paul was not a nice or generous boy, by any means. Paul, while good natured towards him was a bit of a trouble maker who was well known for his mischief in La Push and Forks. Paul's practical jokes included leaving a dead swan in front of Charlie Swan's home. Setting fire to a few dumpsters, moving a certain baby from a manger around Christmas, and even calling in a bomb threat for the high school a few times.

Paul's only acquaintance to his knowledge was Sam Uley who occasionally came in to bail him out of trouble. The older man looked rancid and Paul looked more than annoyed whenever Sam same for him. I know this because he'd been hanging down at the station shuffling papers for Charlie occasionally. Paul was good to him though.

"Here."

Jacob was startled as Paul handed him the glass making a point to run his fingers along Jacob's as he did so.

Paul's intense gaze never wavered.

* * *

Billy Black was good man. He went out his way to help most folk and tried to be a good parent to Jacob. He knew things between him and his son as of late had been … tense, to say in the least. He just worried about what his son was up to though. While most Quileute boys had gone through their little growth spurts Jacob remained around 5'8 because of his lack of eating. He spent more nights out late, and he'd even found a few packs of condoms on the floor a few times.

He was up to no good, Bill was sure of this.

He knew his boy was growing up, but the numerous amount of condoms had him a little concerned. Finding pills under Jacob's mattress didn't help his suspicions in the very least. The glassy tone to his eyes made him frustrated. His son was an a drug addict. He wasn't ready to deal with this.

His wife was gone and his daughters were off at college. He would have to deal with this alone. He needed to do an intervention of some sort.

It was 10:45 pm on a Thursday, his son was gone again, it was then Billy's resolve strengthened.

He had to get his son back, he needed to save his son from spiraling onto a path he would be able to break away from.

Unfortunately, Billy was merely touching the surface of Jacob's self destructive nature.

* * *

"Oh you came over, and so early I'm surprised."

James gestured for him to come into the dim place.

"Make yourself comfortable boy." he said slamming the door and putting on the lock.

Jacob knew James was always the sarcastic type. Nearly every word out the man's mouth was either cruel or a cunning lie. So he knew James had been expecting him for a long time. He made himself comfortable in the cramped apartment that was never neat, and seemed to have knives and books scattered about in every corner of its three small rooms.

The couch was gray in color a far cry from the loud yellow coffee table that sat before it.

"Victoria's out again, probably with Laurent, the _bastard_." James muttered.

Jacob eyed the older man curiously.

"How long she going to be out this time? I don't want to have sneak out the window again." he said with a laugh.

James smirked. He walked over to the couch and leaned over it arm.

"Long enough."

With that James leaned over the gold wedding band was pulled off his finger by Jacob's hasty movements.

James was smoking as Jacob drew circular patterns on his chest. It was flittered with a tuff of hair that ran low to his navel. There was scar on his hip that Jacob often found his eyes drifting to when they weren't having sex.

"You should stop hurting yourself for a while, or at least put it in a less obvious place."

James looked away.

"It's annoyed for you to wince every time I grab them."

Jacob nodded, he leaned over the paler man to glance at the clock.

**11:09 **

Billy probably stayed up waiting for him again. Billy as of late had been doing a bit more hovering than usual. He'd have to be more careful. He rolled off the couch and went to look for his boxers on the floor somewhere.

James watched the boy wince a little when he bent over and laughed a little to himself. Jacob glared over his shoulder, this only served to amuse the man even more and he inhaled another breath of smoke. He shook is head. James was tuning twenty-eight pretty soon. He'd long since finished his college days and preformed embalming down at the morgue to scrounge up some cash. He'd met the man around four years ago when he realized he was attracted to men. James had showed up at he right time he supposed.

Quil and Embry had left him in favor of discovering their growing attraction for the fairer sex, while Jacob was left to discover his preferences alone and scared at twelve. It hurt him to realize that his friends were no longer his friends. It hurt even more to discover that his kind were not widely excepted here in Forks and La Push as well.

He was far too afraid of how many more people would shun him after he came out, so he decided not to, never to. He'd keep this shame secret from the town, family, strangers, everyone.

He discovered the secrets the skin held for him. The intense pain and satisfaction he felt from cut or even hurting himself eased his anxiety a bit. And that was it, that was when he discovered the key to happiness was sitting eagerly in the kitchen drawers, in broken mirrors, and even Billy's razor blades. Sometimes he'd cry after doing it or other times he'd laugh.

No one noticed the changes in him as the child became a tortured boy.

Then came along James, the tall mysterious man who occasional show up at his bus stop into Forks. He was handsome and probably one of the better looking guys he'd ever seen around the neighborhood. Everyday that James was there waiting for the bus, he'd glance upwards, often from under a dark umbrella that his sisters forced him to take. James never carried one and favored for a black hoodie instead, he still got soaked. Eventually he worked up enough nerve to offer sharing his umbrella with the man, and eventually there were conversations.

"_People re cruel, you learn to accept it and move on." _

"_I don't want to believe everyone is bad." _

"_People aren't bad but, everyone has __**intentions.**__" _

To this day Jacob still denies that James was right. He had intentions, James , Paul , even Billy has intentions for him. He was frightened again and James soon quelled his fears and showed him a world secret pleasures where it be a smoke, a pill, a hit, or sex, it was an escape. He felt ten feet tall, he felt like a kite on summer day. Every singled colored candy took him to another world, crushed, smoked, sniffed, swallowed, injected…he was far beyond heaven.

He found his shirt and put on the last of his clothing.

"I'm going now."

Jacob almost made it to the door before James wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pressed him to his nude form.

James leaned close to his ear.

"But what I didn't tell you was that Victoria was gone for the week."

He bit the young boy's ear hoping to entice him to stay.

Jacob laughed and pushed away the taller man's arms. He turned the lock and pulled open the door.

"Maybe next time."

He slammed the door closed.

Jacob stepped away from the cruddy apartment complex and once out alone into the world.

* * *

Billy did in fact wait up for him.

"I don't need a fucking doctor!"

"Jacob, you do."

"I don't need any help!"

"You're having sex with someone not only that you're on drugs! DRUGS BOY!"

"Fuck you Billy! What I do is my business…"

"I'm your father and yes it's my business since you can't-"

"I can't what?! Be the son you always wanted!"

"You're getting help!"

Jacob stomped his way to the bathroom and locked himself in.

"JACOB BLACK GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

The door knob jiggled and rattled.

"Shut up Billy!"

He dug through the cabinet, he pushed away the medicine scissors and opened the dental floss. Inside was his razor. It smelt like mint to his distastes but it would do. He pulled up his long sleeves and the scabs were revealed in short continuous slashes on his wrist. He would have to be hasty, Billy was getting even more agitated and it wouldn't be long before he found a key to turn the lock with.

He could see it, he raised his arm. A perfect expression of himself lay with these scars and cuts engraved into his skin forever. He took the blade and added upon those layer, calmer with the notion Billy had rolled down the hall to find a key.

He cut his wrist and he opened up like a zipper.

Yes. He was safe once more.

* * *

_Next Up : A detailed first meeting of Paul, and Edward meets Jacob._

Please tell me if you like it. T_T yeah its slash, i hope this doesn't really deter people. I really was hoping to express well something with this.

Thank you for reading. _  
_


	2. I

A/N: Sorry in advance about all the Paul-ness but I promise Edward appears. Don't worry Jacob thoughts will gradually turn more Edward-y as we go on with the story. Besides Jacob's fixation on Paul and James is kind of needed at the moment.

*sigh* I broke my leg, my stupid cousin decided he was going throw stuff at me while I riding by bike. No worries, it just means I have a little more time to my self to write.

Warnings: check the first chapter……

* * *

_I. "Approaching the train tracks, he sighs, lays flat across the line, and shuts his eyes.__"_

* * *

"_Now listen_

_ Well I'm not trying to question your decision,_

_In my opinion_

_ You've made an excellent choice._

_I don't want to put the doubt in your my head, _

_well, you're just fine, _

_Excellent choice."_

The Horrors_, __**Excellent Choice**_

* * *

While Billy didn't take Jacob to the doctor, he did monitor his sons activities ever more closely. He took to dropping the boy off at school after ridding Jacob of his car. He drove him everywhere, he demanded to know who his friends were, how long he was going to be out for, sometimes even called up the place to make sure he was still there. It was aggravating. But Jacob did make time for his hobbies and even picked up a new one, pill pushing. James told him the job was simple enough and as always James was right, he'd sold maybe four bottles of oxy in the past, but now he was a business man, it was the easiest way to keep his shit out the house while still keeping some for himself on the side.

Paul didn't condone his new little enterprise but didn't like when Jacob tried to sell his shit out his car. Mostly when Billy would drop him at the café the two would go out for some drinks in the back or call Billy to tell him he was waling home, even though that was an excuse to take longer to get home. Paul and him still fucked. Jacob wasn't sure if it could even be considered fucking anymore. The sudden tenderness in Paul during their quickies had been a surprise to him. Paul took to hovering around more often and even made a hiss fit about covering for him when he went elsewhere to hook up with someone.

But Paul was so good to him.

Paul, yes dear sweet Paul.

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

_Jacob sat under the bleachers. School had ended about an hour ago, but he told Billy he'd be home late due to a project he was working on. He knew he probably shouldn't lie to Billy but with his sisters coming home for vacation soon he knew the opportunity to smoke would be rare for the next week or so. He'd happily puffing away when a sudden noise caused him to stand and tried to put the cigarette out. After school or not smoking on the school grounds was still a criminal offense. Jacob hid behind one the lower beams and went into a crouch. _

_A taller boy walked under the beam and began pacing. Jacob snuffed out the but of his cigarette into the dirt. _

_The boy was obviously one of the reservation kids. His dark skin and black hair told Jacob that much. Jacob himself was not familiar with the boy. Then again he hadn't hung out with the other reservation kids for some time. The boy easily hit around six feet tall and sported a short haircut that made him look even move attractive. His face was set in angry expression that made him appear broody. His face had a bit of a narrow quality to it unlike the somewhat rounder face of Jacob._

"_Mother fuckers, mother fucking Sam, should keep minding his own god dammed…." he went on into his angry rant. Kicking some of the beams for emphases on certain profanities. The little tirade went on until a dry cough from Jacob interrupted him._

"_What's this?" the other boy said, the tone had traces of promising cruelty and that made Jacob shudder from his spot. He wasn't in the mood to get beaten up right now, he had an appointment with James a bit later. _

_He crawled backwards hoping to remain unseen by the other. This didn't work, the taller male crouched down and snagged Jacob's ankle. He dragged Jacob out with strength Jacob figured most kids in high school don't have or should possess. _

"_Ugh!" _

_The experience was unpleasant and Jacob's cigarette pack slipped out of his pocket as he was dragged. _

_Paul abruptly dropped his ankle and backed off a little taking Jacob's appearance in. Paul narrowed his eyes and sighed. The vicious expression did not change on the boy but his demeanor did. Jacob could only gape as the boy suddenly leaned over and began to pick up the now dirt laden cigarettes that slid out from the pack. _

_Jacob looked indignant from his spot on the floor._

"_What the hell is wrong with you!?" _

_They continued nabbing the loose cigarettes and nabbed the pack. He handed it over to Jacob and quickly withdrew his hands and shoved them into his pockets. He kicked up some dirt and mumbled something inaudibly. He grabbed Jacobs wrist causing him to cringe a bit and yanked the shorter male to his feet. Jacob brushed up some dirt off him before glaring up at the other and reiterated his question. _

"_What the hell is __**wrong**__ with you, you-"_

"_Paul." _

"_What?" said Jacob._

"_My name it's Paul…"_

_Jacobs eyes widened for a fracture of a second. A pensive expression crossed his face as the taller of the pair looked in another direction and took his hands from his pockets and placing the on his hips and leaned back on his feet._

"_Oh… so you're the one living with Sam now right?" _

_Paul nodded and continued to look else where. _

_Jacob frowned, the other boy had been mentioned a few times by Billy in passing but not much other than that Sam would be looking over the kid for a while. He fished into his pack and blew some dirt off a cigarette._

"_Here." He offered one of his precious smoke to Paul. Paul snatched it up quickly and stared at Jacob expectantly. It took about a minute for him to realize what the boy was waiting for. Jacob shook his head, searching his pockets for his---no James' lighter. He groaned as he realized it might've slipped from his pocket. _

_He was miffed and looked at Paul._

"_Help me find that stupid lighter, it's green."_

_So they spent the next twenty minutes looking for it. _

_

* * *

_~x~x~

* * *

"_Do you need a ride home?" _

_It was getting dark soon altogether they ended up smoking about eight cigs between the two of them, nine if you counted Jacob's earlier one. It would be dark in an hour and it wasn't enough to walk back to the reservation, he'd cal James later and cancel. He knew James would probably be annoyed at canceling again, but he did have a life. Besides sneaking around James' wife could get annoying. _

_Paul nodded and Jacob led him over to his car. The car was kind of old so he had to open it via car key rather than remote like most kids. He pulled the key from his sock and jabbed it into the lock. Paul shot him a skeptical look as he opened the door, the other only rolled his eyes to. After getting in he leaned over the passenger seat to let Paul into the car. Paul clamored into the vehicle and looked a little uncomfortable. He adjusted his seat and it went back into the backseats to accommodate his long legs. Paul settled in even though his knees still looked a little less than lax. _

_Jacob frowned, but Paul didn't complain about the space. _

_They drove for about a mile in silence. Jacob a little hesitant to say anything to the stranger. Jacob knew he was a very social creature be realized at this point talking to his passenger was inevitable. He took one hand off the wheel to scratch his semi-burning nose. He did a deep dry sniffle and cuffed his nose before relaxing his hand on the wheel again._

"_So to Sam's right?" he asked. _

_Paul tilted his head over. "Yes…to Sam's" _

_Paul turned his head back still staring at the passing scenery._

_Silence fell in again awkwardly and Jacob was at a loss of words to say to his passenger._

_He decided to start with the most obvious one.  
_

"_So what brings you to La Push?"_

_Paul shifted in the tight space forcing his body to turn halfway in the seat. _

"_Life." he said. _

_It got quiet and the two wallowed in their own little miseries. Jacob gave a nod of understanding. He gave Paul a pointed look._

"_Ah… doesn't it suck. Check under your seat." _

_Paul forced his knees apart leaning over, he hadn't bothered with the seat belt so their wasn't so much restraint. He pulled a small prescription bottle out from under. _

_Paul read the label and looked incredulous, Jacob didn't smile. _

"_Oxy?"_

"_Help yourself, I don't use them, James just gives to me. I don't wanna say no."_

_Paul looked like he was thinking. _

"_I'll hold onto this…."_

"_If you want."

* * *

_

~x~x~

* * *

_Paul slammed the car door, whether it was intentional or due the boy's large arm Jacob was unsure of. Paul walked around the car to drivers side. He leaned over slightly so he could be level with Jacob. _

"_I'll see you around." _

_He stood straight and walked towards the shanty looking house. The brown house whose two front steps were slightly off in color led up to a strange blue door that the Uley's weren't too keen to get rid of. The place wasn't large but seemed to have enough space for all its residents. _

_There was still some light out and Sam's truck wasn't in the driveway. _

_With a final nod in Paul's direction, Jacob sped off.

* * *

_

~x~x~

* * *

"_You can drive Paul to school, its not a big deal. He's the same age as you!" _

"_I don't want to!"_

"_He lives a two hour walk from the school and we live ten minutes from the Uleys by car. Jacob, you don't even have to drive him home."_

_Jacob was annoyed, he'd already driven the boy home. He wasn't a chauffer, he was not a freaking car service. Besides he had __**things **__to do in the morning. He drove over to James bright and early and took care of business, except when Victoria was home. He made the mistake once of not noticing Victoria green car once and walked over to the door. It was not pleasant, and James was not amused. _

"_Jacob."_

"…_Fine"_

_So, Billy got his way and Jacob would now drive him to school.

* * *

_

~x~x~

* * *

_A week after the driving stint began, Paul began to ask questions. _

"_Where do you get your 'stuff' from?" _

"_Are you dealing?"_

"_You always seem to have a wad of money….what do you do for it?"_

_Then came that question: _

"_Are you whoring yourself out or something?"_

_Jacob hit the brakes and swerved to the side of the road. The car came to shaky stop on the side. _

"_What!?" _

_Paul looked smug._

"_Well I kind of figured, and figured with you wrist always wrapped up you'd have bruises and the band-aids on your neck don't do much to quell suspicion. So tell how much are you worth." _

_Paul leaned over the cramped compartment. _

"_I'm not a whore!" Jacob was getting annoyed, he needed some aspirin. Sure Jacob had sex with James in exchange for favors and free usage of James' inventory but whoring himself out? No! So sometimes the man put money in his pocket before he leaves, so what if he found fucking more enjoyable if knew there was a reward at the end of it all. _

"_So what do want? A twenty, naw you look a little more pricey…twenty-one fifty for a blow job how about that? " _

_Paul was not all but in Jacob person space. He was about to hit the gas, but Paul all but yanked the keys out the ignition. _

"_Hey!"_

_Paul was now leaning back over sitting upright. _

"_Give them back!" Jacob punched the bigger boy._

_Paul seemed to shrug it off he opened the car door. Jacob followed the motion and exited through his own door. He all but ran to the other side of the car, as Paul tossed the keys away and tried to beat Paul's much meatier frame in with his fist. _

_Paul grew agitated, and just held the boy's arms firm to stop Jacob's useless hits. _

"_Okay---okay, I'm just fooling with you." Paul drawled out. He glared down at Jacob's smaller frame still hold onto his arms just incase the other chose to try to strike him again._

_Jacob was annoyed Paul was not talkative at all, so the constant banter made him idly suspicious of the boys behavior. He narrowed his gaze up at Paul and something hot went through his body as he panted from the exertion of 'beating' Paul. _

_Maybe it was lust…hatred…he didn't care. Long story short he and Paul ended up fucking on the side of the road as the sun came up to rest in the sky. _

_They did not go to school that day., however the malice of Paul's earlier words was stored and noted.

* * *

_

~x~x~

* * *

_Paul in the last few months did not change. _

_The two didn't speak much and Paul dropped his questions. _

_They only drove to school together occasionally had a romp in the bathroom stall, locker room, or in Jacob's car but neither invited the other into their homes. Jacob understood this, he'd pass drug along or a cig Paul's way but knew they were not friends. These meet and greet were merely a personal intimacy that the two shared briefly._

"_Jacob! I need to use the bathroom so hurry it up." a voice yelled from the other side of the door. A loud set of knocks also ensued for extra measure. _

"_Just a second Billy." he replied. _

_He stashed his blade back into the new dental floss and wrapped up his arm in a towel. He slid on his sweats, yeah they be damp because he dry off his legs but hey. _

"_All yours."

* * *

_

~x~x~

* * *

_Paul became stranger, Jacob was unsure as to how but...he did get weirder. _

_Paul started to spend more time away from the Uley household and took to spending more time doing useless errands for James with me. _

_Jacob and Paul were sitting in a playground in Forks , a dumb idea they had and end up in one of those tunnel things to avoid the rain pouring outside. _

_Paul seemed a little pensive today._

_Jacob decided to ask him something._

"_So why are you living with Sam?" _

_Paul grunted and shut his eyes for a moment. _

_Jacob waited eagerly for the answer._

"_My stupid mom says she can't deal with me. Stupid bitch can't even deal with paying out god dam bills or send me to school. I don't want to deal with her shit, so I let her and her boyfriend know." _

_Jacob was curious to how exactly he let them know. _

_He never pressed though. _

_Paul laid a hand on Jacob's thigh.

* * *

_

~x~x~

* * *

"_I burned the house down." _

_Jacob was confused at the sudden statement but managed to link it back to their discussion on the playground.  
_

_They were in his car again, much like they always were. This time they were parked near the cliffs watching the sunset through the windshield. The windows were down and smoke passed out through it. _

"_Ah." said Jacob, he supposed arson was some he could see Paul capable of. It was not a shock considering how the boy set fire to a dumpster once or enjoyed to play with is lighter one too often._

"_Her boyfriend died you know. I feel bad, but I never did like him in the first place, nothing to miss you know." _

"_How did you not go to-" Jacob was interrupted._

"_Juvie?" Paul interjected._

_Jacob nodded very curious now. _

"_Let's just say I have a few people down in the courts who can do a few things for me." Paul said very seriously._

_Jacob looked over at Paul's serious face. He laughed, he couldn't help it, maybe it was they join the just had. _

"_What are you in the mafia or something!"_

_Paul chuckled and snaked away the blink took a deep inhale and tossed away the last of the blunt--- now roach out the window._

"_Nope, but you don't know the half of it."_

_Jacob started laughing, whatever he just had must have been strong.

* * *

_

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

* * *

Paul him were close, and he had doubts about what exactly the two of them were, he knew now they were at the least friends. But Jacob was very content about how it is at the moment, he hoped nothing would change that.

He held Paul's hand with more certainty, yes they were friends.

**XX**

"Look, you need to go me and Victoria are going through some shit right now, she's going to be home more often. Find something else to do for now."

"Again?"

"Yeah, I know it annoying, but she's a bitch…don't look at me like that."

"Okay."

"Right so lets find your shirt, boy."

**XX**

"I don't like classical music." Paul said.

"C'mon I don't wanna get stuck there alone." Jacob whined.

Jacob was spurned by James once again and had passed a few café's on his walk home. One of them seemed to some live entertainment of the classical variety. Jacob knew neither one of them liked classical music but it was Saturday, and Jacob needed something to do. He refused to get trapped at home with Billy where tensions were still high. He could practically feel Billy's eyes clawing into him every time he got out the car when he was dropped off or even when sitting at home watching TV. The cold accusing stare had began to ware down on him and he refused to fall victim to Billy's scrutiny or disgust. Fuck Billy, he thought.

"No."

He was now a little pissed off. I mean Paul and him did everything together, Paul basically followed him around everywhere. Paul hated classical music he said that the sound of a violin caused his ears to bleed and the idea of flute made him think of shoving the flute elsewhere.

"I'm not going, you know its going to be horrible."

"Fine. I'll see you around then."

Paul nodded and depart in the opposite direction of the café.

Jacob sighed, he guessed he was flying solo.

He walked up the street and the off white café with the ugly chalk board sign that scrawled, 'Classical Music Played Tonight, 8:30-11:00.' It was around eight fifteen and people were clamoring into the place. People were always curious to whatever different form of entertainment the small business had to offer the small neighborhood.

It was getting darker, Jacob walked into the café, and found a decent spot in the middle of it. He'd have a good view of the stage.

**XX**

Paul was right of course about the music.

Jacob wanted to leave but he figure there were only twenty minutes left of this torture so he could wait. There was only one more person left to go in the sets too….

"Now, I'd like to welcome Edward Cullen."

Cullen? Where had Jacob heard that name before.

The man stepped on stage, some women gasped. Jacob had to croon his neck over people to see.

Oh, oh wow. The man was perhaps the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen appear in this area in all his life. He was tall, pale, and lean looking. His face seemed to be carved from marble its beauty could not be rivaled by anyone in the quiet town. His eyes were beautiful and the light seemed to bounce off them in the center showing a brilliant shade of topaz surrounding the pupil.

His eyelashes fluttered and Jacob's eyes briefly met the other.

He immediately sat down straight.

His heart beat accelerated. He'd never felt like this before.

_What was this?_

________________________________________________________________________

Not as dark as the first chapter, but I wanted emphasize while Jacob is depressed he's not always miserable. That wouldn't give any substance. I wanted to show the casualness of his unhealthy habits and intimacies bouncing between Paul and a married James. Not too much James here….that's going to change next chapter yeah and it gets real angst once again:

Edward and Jake official meet next chapter, and I promise it will be satisfying…(cough). And Jacob meets his doctor, and his oh so lovely (already acquainted) son. Edward meets James…

Thank you to: **Avada Cantare, takane-takashi787, rebelwilla , frapanappy, msashlyjudd8, mia-dwcut-09, Dario Argento Syndrome, l', kaiistar, Pace1818, yay4fiction, animecatgirl123, shona, **and** lilli kitty.**


	3. II

I decided to have the Edward Jacob scene occur in flashback, it fits in a little better in my opinion.

Once again I offer my gratitude and many thanks to everyone who reviewed , fav-ed, or alerted this.

* * *

2. _If you talk too much my head will explode..._

* * *

"_And here I dreamt I was a soldier_

_ And I marched the streets of Birkenau_

_ And I recall in spring_

_ The perfume that the air would bring_

_ To the indolent town _

_Where the barkers call the moon down _

_The carnival was ringing loudly now _

_And just to lay with you _

_There's nothing that I wouldn't do _

_Save lay my rifle down…" _

~ The Decemberists, _Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect _

X~X~X

* * *

_He saw me look and we locked eyes. He's gorgeous, he too beautiful. Wow, why was he even here anymore? He should leave, oh he was stuck here. He was glued to the seat, the audience applauded and the man sat down on the long piano bench. _

_Jacob decided to be brave and stood again. He had to lean over an eager female admirer for a view of the young pianist. The woman had a dreamy look on her face, and a blush splattered across her ugly freckled cheeks. Her huge fake hair did nothing but irritate him further as she leaned when ever he leaned, only obscuring his own view of the Cullen man once again. She sighed and came to sit down normally in her chair again, a scowl came to paint Jacob's face, the man was only a piano player and the way the place reacted made him out to be some kind of rock star. _

"_Thank you.", Cullen leaned into the microphone poised above the black piano. _

_Jacob nearly swooned himself, and his back ached from the odd angle he was forced to hold to see the man on stage, it was well worth it to hold a face to that voice. His voice was very soft and melodic. Could one describe a voice as smooth, as sleek, as penetrating, and sensual too? This seemed to be very true at the moment. He was flying as he had before when the man first graced the stage moments before. He felt fuzzy all over, and in one instant he wanted to know everything about the man, his entire life story. Was he a righty or a lefty, did he have any other hobbies, what did he eat, where did he live, was he g-… one of his __**kind**__? _

"_I haven't even played yet…but thank you for the ah-- standing ovation anyways." the soft seductive voice of Edward Cullen drawled out to the people. _

_A few people chuckled, mostly smiles though. Jacob smiled a bit too. _

_The man ran a hand through his brown hair. A smile came to his face._

"_As you know I am Edward Cullen, I play classical piano music and I wrote my own pieces. So I-" he paused to think, "I guess tonight I will be playing, Nocturne In E-Flat, Op. 9, No. 2." He dug in his pocket for a moment and brought out folded pieces of paper_

_He sat back up right as if a rod hand suddenly replaced his curved spine. His fingers graced the keys and they made a soft noise that filled the room with a quiet kind of sweetness. The notes folded out in a variety, they were not rushed and took to a slow tune. The sound of each note echoed in his head. It seemed to repeat and slower, then a little faster. The notes fanned outwards and Jacob felt sleepy, dreamy even. The melody was hypnotic but not over to overwhelming. He hit the keys a soft flurry of sound that resounding perfectly again and again. _

_Then nothing. _

_The man stood up, taking a step from the piano. The crowd was suddenly jarred out of sleepy state and clapped, but not thunderously, more so polite and respectful. Edward Cullen stood tall and seemed pleased with his own performance. He gave a short bow to the people and murmured his thanks. The announcer stepped onto the stage looking extremely merry. He swung an arm around the taller man's shoulders causing Edward to hunch slightly to accommodate the announcer next to him. _

"_Once again, lets hear it for Edward Cullen."_

_The Edward still remained pleasant looking. _

_His eyes skimmed the crowd. It ran back and fourth searching, for something. Jacob stayed as he was, eager to fall under the Cullen's hypnotic gaze. Edward's eyes locked with his, and Jacob was trapped inside an intense trap. He felt like a coil slowly being undone by nimble fingers._

_The man smiled at him, and Jacob broke the eye contact blushing. Jacob, out nervous habit, grabbed his wrist through the long sleeves of his coat._

_His heart sped up again. _

_Oh god what was this? _

_~x~_

_He should've known better than to stay out late with Billy constant surveillance, but a quick call from Paul saying that he would be spending the night over at the Uley's fixed most of it, for now anyways. He was being utterly foolish, waiting for a man who'd only smiled at him briefly. He felt like a moron. _

_He waited about a half hour in the fall night's chill. He leaned against the back wall waiting for the backdoor of the café to open and the handsome pianist to walk out. He rocked on the back of his feet. He began to jig nervously and had doubts about this. _

_So I see him then what?, he thought. Why would he want a boy like Jacob. He felt disgusted, he pulled his jacket tighter to his chest. His arms were scrawny looking and his wrist were littered with cuts, he was developing circles under his eyes and was just a twinge under weight. He didn't consider himself very attractive at the moment. _

_This was a dumb idea. _

_Jacob made haste to the front of the cafe and was about to wander into the nearby shop-mart. He needed their payphone to contact James to get him or something... He knew James loathe giving him rides and he'd probably have to perform some kind of lewd act in the car, not that he minded, but he could not under any circumstance call the Uley or even his own household at the moment. Paul did not lack a cell phone, unlike Jacob, but Paul never seemed to answer the dammed thing. Jacob's empty practically pockets didn't help anything either, not like he could call a cab and pay for it. The quarter phone call was he seemed to have enough money for at the moment. _

_He neared the front doors and was about to walk past the entrance. _

"_Hey-! Wait a second!" _

_Jacob tensed at the voice. He turned around slowly to only see the young pianist walking quickly towards him. He was illuminated in the darkness by the street lamps and appeared to look more unearthly than he had previously appeared on the stage. His face was covered in a pink undertone as he smiled with a hint of uncertainty to it. He looked a little nervous. _

_He straightened his black tie, and kicked the ground, fermenting dirt to rise. The jeans he wore were slightly faded and the white shirt he wore was no longer tucked neatly into his pants. Despite how neat he appeared on the surface, the shirt did not appear to be ironed and his shoes, which were fancy looking, were just a little worn. _

_The man pursed his lips slightly._

"_Edward."_

"_Huh?" Jacob responded._

_The Cullen flushed lightly, "My name its Edward Cullen, you already knew that, but yes that is my name." _

_He lifted a hand behind his head and took a closer step towards Jacob's shorter figure. He seemed to loom over the boy much like James or Paul would, but his stance was more relaxed and carried more sensuality and calm than Paul or James ever had. However, he seemed more uncertain about his approach than the two. Jacob tilted his head to the side, giving what he hoped was an inviting smile._

"_My name is Jacob." _

_Jacob took a confident step forward to the taller man. He didn't give a last name, but he couldn't under stand the point of doing so. This was a one time thing, he'd never heard of an Edward Cullen before, and if he was lucky enough the man was just a passer by. _

_The looked as if he had something to say, as his body stiffened and tensed. Edward did not appear to be taking the initiative, so Jacob did. He took another bold step towards Edward and placed a hand on his cheek._

"_Do you live nearby?" he said in a low voice. _

_Edward frowned slightly. Jacob didn't know whether he'd been to forward with the stranger, but he refused to back down. _

_He placed a sensual kiss to Edwards lips, and had to lean up to do so. Their lips met and Jacob was met with initially no response, until a tongue brushed against his lips asking him to open. He complied, eager to let the man take control of the kiss. Their tongues battled reverently and Jacob moaned at the sensation of the older man's tongue touching the roof of his mouth. He threw his arms awkwardly around Edward's neck as Edward placed his hands on his hips to steady him. _

_The euphoric ecstasy of the kiss was sudden broken when Edward pulled away. _

"_Two blocks down."_

_~x~_

_The pair of them practically ran all the way to the motel Edward was staying in. The man all but slammed the door and pushed the boy against the wall in a lustful state. Jacob could feel the hardness of the man pressed so readily into his thigh and the thought that he would get to touch it, feel it, stroke it, have it do amazing things to him filled him with even more pleasure. He hadn't felt this way in while, he hadn't been eager for James' recently or the touches or even less known strangers. He was in a rush of uncontrollable passion that was going to spill all over him if he couldn't express it fully. _

_Edward nearly tore off his stupid Jacket, he unzipped and tossed it aside. _

_Jacob began rubbing himself against the between his legs, eager for friction. Edward moaned and sucked on his neck, nibbling as he went along. He began to tug up the boy's shirt when he stopped suddenly and pulled away. Jacob groaned, he hadn't even gotten to take off his shirt. His aching erection pulled painfully at his pants and he could see Edward was no better. _

_The man panted, but made an easily seen effort to travel to the light switch. _

_The lights were on and Jacob's libido hadn't quit. The yellow-orange light didn't ruin Edward's beauty. But then again at this point Jacob just needed it bad now. _

_Edward dragged the small chair away from the coffee table. He put about three feet from Jacob's waiting body. He sat in it looked at the boy with hungry eyes. _

"_Take off your shirt." _

_He said. _

_Jacob was about to just whip it off. _

"_No slower." Edward said._

_Jacob rolled his hips to side for a sexy affect, and tossed his shirt off to the floor. _

"_You don't need to do that."_

_Jacob stared at the man sitting in the chair. Edward's gaze was intense and dark. His gaze held hunger and an intense want that Jacob had never seen before. His heart sped up sporadically. He didn't know what to do if Edward didn't tell him what he wanted. He was getting desperate. _

"_What should I do." he said then. _

"_Just take off your pants, don't try so hard." _

_Jacob flushed and undid his belt buckle, it was his silver one on the black strip of leather. He decided not to take the belt out and just opted for unzipping his fly. He felt even more nervous and began to wander into the mindset of a blushing young virgin. He felt the urge to ask, whether this was okay, was he doing it right. He wanted to scoff but when he looked from his hands to Edward he was losing confidence. Was he still trying to hard, he just wanted Edward to touch him. He just wanted to have Edward be inside him and make him feel things he could never feel on a normal basis. _

_He pushed his pants down and all that was left was a straining pair of checkered boxers. They were the red ones he'd bought for himself awhile back, he enjoy the feel of the thin cotton material against him. _

_He placed his fingers on the waist band. _

"_Stop."_

_His finger were shaking, was he doing something wrong?_

"_Come here."_

_The man beckoned him to take a step or two forward. He stood between Edward's spread knees. _

"_Let me take them off." , he said looking up at Jacob. _

_He placed his hand just above the edge of the waist band. _

"_I know you've done this before, but I want to make you feel good." _

_He placed his thumbs right above the line and stroked softly. He pulled them down and Jacob suddenly felt self conscious. Edward didn't waver as he allowed the boxers to drop down past the boy's knees. He could clearly be seen now. _

_Jacob felt the urge to cover up as Edward only looked. He pulled his knees in slightly and moved his hand over his penis. _

"_Don't look at it." _

_He looked away., with a dark blush over his face in the pale yellow-orange light._

_Edward laughed and moved his hands away. _

"_Let me see you."_

_He reached out and touched Jacob, and the boy gasped at the sudden contact. _

"_It's fine, doesn't it feel good?"_

_He grabbed hold of Jacobs wrist and brought them to his face now._

"_You have such beautiful skin, don't ruin it so much." _

_He ran a tongue along a fresher looking mark. _

_He pulled the boy to him as close as possible from their positions and stood suddenly, pressing his clothed body against his naked one. _

_He grabbed the boy's chin, "Have you ever been made love to before?"_

_Jacob couldn't answer._

"_Close your eyes." Edward said softly._

_He shut them._

_And Jacob fell into the tight lip lock after a brief moment of silence.

* * *

_

~x~x~x~x~x~x~

* * *

Two weeks passed on and Jacob spent most of the time sleeping over at the Uley's, he didn't feel like being alone in his room with thoughts. He refused to deal with the ideas of his night with Edward and how different it was compared to anytime he'd ever had with anyone. How could doing the same actions the same thing be so much more detailed, it left him without any words to describe. He went on a sensory journey they caressed the limits of human knowledge to understand. He wanted to shout about what passed between him and the man. Who could he tell, who would listen. Jacob moved his head to accommodate himself more. Edward was so strange from the normal.

Normal however was son going to happen anytime soon though, Halloween had come to pass in silence as there weren't too many young kids in Forks or La Push. Thanks giving would come soon and with it hi sisters would come home. Rachel and her fiancé were coming down for that week and his other sister, Rebecca would be livid about having to come back to her little home town. He could try to get out dinner again by going out with Paul that night, but he'd doubt after all that happened with Billy, he'd get to. Besides Billy trying to fill in the role of concerned parent was beginning to grate his nerves. He kept trying to corner him and have a 'talk' as of late.

Jacob didn't need to have a talk to.

Jacob observed the form laid above him, it was the specimen of a man.

James was a good lover, he himself had personal experience of James' skills. He and James knew each others wants as far as sex wise. He knew James' body, every curve, pinch, and wonder it held, and James in turn knew his. He felt good right now, he felt very safe with the older man. This was how he should've felt, James was his first, but not his only. There were others at first, but the sense of safety still remained here in small gloomy apartment the married man shared with his wife.

He liked Paul too, their closeness provided him with some who would listen to his wants, and bouts. He let go in Paul, he could be candid. He knew that there was some affection, but no love. Nope, none at all. He was okay though, he didn't James to love him, he just needed James inside him to touch him, he wanted to feel nothing for him. He was fine, he didn't mind Paul sometimes holding him after they fucked, it was just alright he didn't care that Paul walked to house everyday, even in the rain, without an umbrella. It would be fine, he didn't need or deserve that kind of tenderness.

He held James close. James just snored louder above him and shifted slightly. Jacob looked over at the window, it was still so bright out. James wasn't working today so he'd taken Tuesday off, and Jacob figured why look a gift horse in the mouth and decided to skip. Paul got a little annoyed but a quick hand job before the homeroom bell changed that.

He walked right out the doors of school, no one sought to stop him. Despite all the stares, disapproving looks, and concerned glances from the staff in the end they all did nothing to stop him, they probably called Billy. He frowned, what did it matter. He wasn't home enough for Billy to really do anything in the first place. He grimaced at the tongue lashing Billy would give upon his return.

The school didn't care about the well being of its students despite the calls to home and parent teacher conferences. The building was merely a holding pen where people could choose to obey or break away from entirely. The most docile of students were rewarded with good grades and kind commentary. Those who did not were met with disapproving looks and even sadder parents. Some parents just didn't care though.

He slipped his hand between them and stroked James's chest. His skin was rougher compared to Edward's smooth shaven chest. Everything about Edward was set in stone. When the last time he'd been looked at,… never. He wasn't in a relationship, he wasn't in love either, he just wanted something now. After being with Edward he knew James wasn't the same.

James stirred and opened his eyes.

"What's wrong with you now?"

He shook his head as James pushed off him with a yawn.

"Nothing."

James didn't care enough to question anymore and Jacob didn't have anything to say.

* * *

~x~x~x~x~x~x~

* * *

James left the crappy apartment after stealing the keys to Victoria's car. He'd done this plenty of times the scratches on his arms showed how willing his lovely wife was to share. A few broken bottles and angry shoves later, Victoria was on the floor and he was long gone. He remembered a time when he and Victoria were young and in love, a time when they could scarcely ever want to be separated. Now they tried to avoid each other like the plague. They each had distractions and things to do. Jacob was a decent distraction for the very least. The boy was good enough, when he wasn't busy. Ah family life, James never regretted leaving home after viewing how pathetic he could've turned out. Don't get him wrong, he liked the kid but just didn't really want him either.

He hopped into the green car and sped off, leaving his cell behind for the day.

---

The café was small place located on the edge of La Push, near several stores in Forks. It wasn't on the main road but was close enough for both locals to walk or drive down to. The place wasn't large having perhaps to seat maybe ten tables and a small lumpy sofa. There was no internet, and the walls were a neutral looking tan color and the counter were a slate gray. There were two registers, but only one ever seemed to work

James preferred his coffee black, but enjoyed annoying the little barista with faking indecision. Paul, consequently, was that little barista. Jacob, his best friend, lover interest whatever, hadn't a clue he'd had the job an James hadn't a clue how the bulky and intimidating boy was hired in the first place. He just glared at most of the customers and those who did approach were blushing women who didn't know the boy ran on the line of faggotry. James almost burst out laughing every time he'd seen the looks Paul cast the other boy whenever Jake would show up and get a few 'products.'

James was a home grown enterprise. He knew people, who in turn knew people. He could spot decent deal when he saw one, and sniff out a snitch like the hunter he was. Taking a part bodies at the morgue only got so much money, so it was nice to have a side business.

He looked into Paul's eyes and smiled even more broadly, times were good.

"On second thought I'll just take a coffee, black. You can toss the muffin too." James said smugly.

Paul crushed the bagged muffin and stomped to the trash can behind the country with an audible growl. The top of the trashcan's lid spun with the force as the coffee left a long trail in the plastic bag and the now crushed blueberry muffin in the bag followed it. James watch the lid spin around twice.

"Working out aren't you? Unrequited love getting you down kid?" James said malicious cruelty.

Paul looked livid but manage to hold it in. He got the cup and filled with coffee and James put on a shit-eating grin.

"Would you like anything else?" Paul grumbled.

"Nope, this will be fine kid." James drawled.

"$1.97 then."

James slipped him two dollars from his pocket.

"Keep the change." he said with a barking laugh.

Paul's knuckles cracked.

"Thank you, sir."

James snickered to himself. Such a stupid kid. He wasn't looking and walked into a slightly taller figure. He nearly spilt his coffee on himself.

"Watch where the fuck you're-" he began but was cut off by a steely topaz gaze.

"James." the velvety voice said.

"Edward." James said bitterly.

The stupid bastard decided to come on 'home'. The **good** doctor Carlisle's dashing son who'd was _so _destined to be a success. That bastard doctor, Carlisle Cullen. Him and his bitch of a wife Esme. He shuddered at remember their pitying looks and disgustingly warm smiles.

"Hello James, you're still as rude as I remember."

James narrowed his eyes and shoved past the bastard.

He made haste to door but not before Edward calling out;

"I'll be seeing you around Jamie!"

* * *

~x~x~x~x~x~x~

* * *

Billy drove him up to the hospital, the smell of urine and warm mushy food assaulted his nostrils It was so bad he felt like gagging once inside. He could nearly taste the food sliding haphazardly and slowly down his throat. He hated hospitals, the long hallways that wound into a white walled maze of fluorescent lights and people dressed the same. He watched an old gentleman sit down in one of the waiting room chairs. He had only one leg and his lips were glued in a tight frown. His graying eyebrows and sullen eyes bore into his briefly before the old man was whisked off by a grim looking boy. A few other persons took to staring or glaring at him. Ugg, angry hospital patients, just what he wanted.

Jacob debated a moment on whether or not to push Billy's wheel chair but decided once they got to the place, he might as well. It'd been a while since he'd grabbed the soft rubber handles of Billy's brown wheel chair, he didn't miss the feeling of helping out his father with his handicap, but did not find it disagreeable either. He liked the ridges used for the grips in the handles and he enjoyed pulling the wheeled object to a stop. He pulled Billy in front of the desk where a receptionist winding her gum around her finger sat. He was sure the woman would have been mildly attractive if he was interested. Her skin was pale and created a contrast to her pretty blonde hair and beautiful golden eyes. She pursed her lush lips and frowned even further if possible.

"Who are you here to see?" she said in a annoyed but equally beautiful voice.

A man groaned and walked behind us sitting in one many chairs. He made loud spectacle and held his stomach. The receptionist ignored the man's cries and groans.

"We're here to see a Dr. Carlisle Cullen." His father said looking at the young woman with manicured red nails, sitting behind the long curved blue desk. She popped her gum in a noisy fashion as her nails clicked on the keys in quick display on skill and memorization as she seemed to stare anywhere but the computer screen.

Cullen, where had he heard that before?

Jacob took note of her name tag, _Rosalie Cullen_. He raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"He's ready to see you now."

She said.

She blew another bubble and pointed to the left.

"Take this hall down and make a right at the end of the hall. Then on your left, two doors down, is his office."

Billy nodded, and Jacob was quick to wheel in the given direction.

_~x~_

The girl directions were completely accurate, and the Dr. Cullen answered the door before they could even open it.

"Don't worry about it, I'll see you at home."

The doctor's voice was mature and soothing, it was like a warm blanket enveloping him. From the back the doctor's hair was the same shade of blonde as the receptionist, who he figured was his daughter or something. He gestured for who ever was in his office to step out. He turned around fully and smiled as he locked eyes with Billy Black. His eyes were the same shade of gold as the daughter's as well apparently.

He shook Jacob's father's hand.

"Oh, hello Mr. Black, I apologize for not readily being in my office at the moment." He gave what could be described as a blinding smile from perfectly straightened and perfectly white teeth. He inclined his head towards Jacob.

"And this must be the young Jacob you've mentioned to me previously. I am Doctor Carlisle Cullen, I hope to-"

"I can't leave if you are going to have a meet and greet in your doorway dad."

Oh no, please God, no.

Jacob recognized the voice, he began to put everything together. Edward Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, even the receptionist Rosalie Cullen! They were related…so if Rosalie was most like the doctor's daughter then-

"Billy, Jacob, this is my son Edward. He's returned from overseas for a while. He's almost as old as me now! Twenty-six now, they grow up so fast…And yours Billy sweet sixteen right, no that expression is reserved for daughter right?"

Edward leaned out and his eyes widened like saucers as clear recognition went through his eyes.

Jacob tightened his grip on Billy's chair handles and sighed .

Figures.

* * *

* * *

Coming up: Paul-ness a trip to the emergency room, and a very unhappy thanksgiving. Some Edward musing and a more James. The beginning of winter stage as well.

_*sigh* _I hope everyone enjoyed it. I'm hoping to get the next one out even quicker. Hopefully the next one will touch base more on more of Jacob's issues rather than events. Anyway, at this point I'm trying to get that rock rolling down the hill. I'm trying to take my sweet ass time though. _ Also the next few chapter are going to be slow cause like I said, hoping to touch base with more Jacob-issues.

Figures, I was hoping to wrap this up by the end of June, seems I won't be able to at this pace *scratches leg with pencil*.

Thank you for reading.

Review are welcome.


	4. III

A/N: Anyways I hope you guys like this one. I need to get moving a bit, so transition into the next stage is hard. *rubs temples* I promise next chapter will come by next Wednesday (I have the house to myself!).

* * *

_3. "I'm a machine...but I'm a funny color."

* * *

_

_"Backseat of your family station wagon_

_Listenin' to mom _

_100 years of solitude_

_And only 12 years old…""_

_~ Cold War Kids,_**_God, Make Up Your Mind_**

* * *

"_Stop being such a virgin, just take them off."_

_A whimper, followed by a boy's uncertainty._

"_B-but, …I've never done this before…"_

_A deep laugh, followed by a man's certainty. _

"_That's why I'm here to teach you boy. Now c'mere."

* * *

_

"Well father, you should take time with your patient. I'll take my leave now."

Edward made a quick exit but not before taking a quick glance at Jacob. A frown and suspicious eyes glowered at him before disappearing completely. Jacob didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved with the quick exit. Jacob knew the man was obviously freaked, he shook his head. He didn't care to use on the fact. He and Edward had beautiful night. That was it. He'd experienced something pleasant. Something, magical, something that was very beautiful. He didn't need that soft tenderness in his life he couldn't afford to lose more of what he already didn't have to give. He didn't need to be selfish and maybe pursue another night with the Cullen boy. He was completely and utterly alone in this moment.

He stood before the smiling doctor, he stood behind hind his father's chair. Perhaps he would forever be forced to push the image of what he could never be.

"Please, come in."

Unable to take the bright smile any longer ,Jacob wheeled his father in.

Dr. Cullen's office was white with a single blue line going around the square offices middle. The walls had tall brown wooden book shelves staked with medical dictionaries and references. The books didn't vary in color and were in a variation of dark blue or a slate gray. Jacob knew they were probably filled with diseases he had never heard or be able to pronounce. The desk was the center piece, and was a black wooden desk mixed with some metal for reinforcement. The was a globe on the windowsill with white blinds, and a skull sat on the heater. The two chairs in front of the desk were basically gabled metal with cushions on it and far less comfortable looking than that of the rolling desk chair behind the desk.

Dr. Cullen was kind enough to remove the extra chair so Billy's wheel chair could take it place.

He immediate went behind his desk as Jacob made himself get as comfortable as possible. The doctor's long finger's made a move to adjust the golden name plate with 'Dr. Cullen' on it. He also shifted the picture frame filled with an image of a young Dr. Cullen, a woman, and three children in the photo. The way their perfectly white teeth gleamed you'd think Carlisle was a dentist.

"So I'd like to be blunt, we're all men here of course." the doctor began.

Jacob nodded, even though he had no idea why.

"How long have you been sexually active?"

Jacob nearly sputtered at the doctor's bluntness. It was intrusive, not only that Billy was here. Should he lie? Should he tell the disgusting vivid truth? Billy looked over expectant at his son. Billy's eyes were soft, almost concerned. Jacob couldn't lie about when it started.

"…." he mumbled.

"What?"

"I was twelve when I became as you put it, 'sexually active'." Jacob said.

He wanted to crawl in a hole.

"When did you initially start having sex." the doctor became pensive looking.

Billy leaned to the left as though to hear Jacob's answer better.

What was Jacob to say, I had sex with a twenty something year old man when I was twelve. Jacob couldn't answer, what could he do. Billy was right there, he'd find out that he-that…oh god. He couldn't do this. He could imagine the doctor next inquiring about his sexuality, and Billy flipping out on him. He could almost picture the look from concerned parent to undisguised, unabashed hatred in an instance. He clenched his hands together. Why did he have to be so strange? Why did he have this sick attraction to m- no he wouldn't say it. He would never admit to it, never to Billy. Everyone would know, everyone. What would he do then, where would he go. This was all he knew. Jacob wasn't ready to say anything else.

"Billy, I'm leaving."

The boy stood p but the doctor made no move to stop him as Billy sputtered and cursed him as he yelled for his son to come back.

What did Billy know, he hadn't been a parent until now.

* * *

Jacob didn't go home that night, he and Paul spent it huddled up in Paul's small room that was littered in papers. Most were newspaper articles, some random magazine tear outs, and a few things that were printed. The mess ultimately just formed out a series of strange stories and freak accidents. The were a few scribbles by the window and some drawings done on his bed post with sharpies. Needless to say Paul's room smelt like the markers themselves. It was a nice enough place to stay.

"What happened?"

Paul was concerned enough to look up while undoing Jacob's pants.

Jacob didn't answer and only pulled Paul further up the bed for a kiss. Paul responded and pressed his tongue into Jacob's mouth. Jacob eagerly sucked on it eliciting a moan from Paul. Paul reached between them and finished unzipping Jacob's jeans. He stuck his hand into the opening and rubbed at the other boy's erection.

Paul moved from Jacob's mouth and began to suck on his neck.

"Ah- that feels so good…" Jacob moaned out.

Jacob began to rub himself at the same pace Paul was setting. Yes, Jacob thought, he needed this. He didn't to think about Billy, Edward, or his problems. He needed to just feel good right now and Paul was the one to do it.

Paul leaned up moved his hand and began to use it to lift up Jacob's shirt. He got it over the others head and tossed the long sleeved gray shirt to the ground. He leaned up further to pull off his bright red shirt and tossed it over his shoulder and made a feast out the now exposed skin of Jacob's chest.

He licked up the center and bit on his collar bone. He pressed himself hard against Jacob and pushed a leg in between Jacob's warm thighs. Jacob tried to continually grind against Paul's leg to create friction. He was acting needy and desperate, he wanted to skip all the stupid foreplay and have Paul fuck him into the mattress. He felt Paul's hand drift down into the waist band of his underwear. They were taking this way to slow, they both still had their pants on.

"Stop…no….forget that ..Paul, I just want you to fuck me, please." Jacob moaned out.

If Paul was aroused before, he grew even stiffer through his pants.

Paul pulled away from Jacob. He got off the bed and retrieved his shirt from the floor. He slid it back on while Jacob still lay back on the bed in some shock of what just happened.

Did Paul just rebuff him?

"Paul?"

His voice was little hoarse and a thin sheet of sweat covered him.

"What?" the other boy answered from his new place on the floor. The other appeared be sifting through a shoebox full of papers. Paul was visibly annoyed with a pensive scowl painting his face and he sat down Indian style. His erection was still very evident by the tenting in his pants, so Jacob wondered why he didn't go through with it.

"What just happened?"

Jacob leaned over the side of the bed, not even bothering to look for his shirt or zip up his jeans. Paul had seen him in less.

Paul's shoulders tensed as Jacob came to lean over him to better see what he was doing.

"What just happened is that I'm sick and tried of having you mother fucking using me." Paul said in dark tone.

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"I don't use you, we're friends Paul, we share things!"

"The stop using me for sex every time something doesn't go your way! You've always been like this, you don't care about anything but yourself. You never tell me anything…."

"That's not it Paul. We're supposed to be friends, I tell you things."

Paul stood up, only proving how physically disproportionate their heights were. Paul turned around to face Jacob. Paul seemed a bit livid. He inhaled and shut his lids tightly.

"Look we're not doing anything tonight."

He stood up walking over the light switch. He flicked it off leaving the room dark except for the glow of distant street lamps from he window. Jacob frowned. Paul crawled in next to him and Jacob laid to his side. His back faced away from Paul.

The weight of the other caused the bed mattress to sink down a bit. Paul was laying on his side. He reached out, He slid a hand under Jacob side an his other arm went over and wrapped around Jacob's smaller frame. He pulled the boy in slowly, cradling him desperately into his body. Jacob was genuinely alarmed. Paul was not the type always need this kind of touching. While he initiated small caresses and tentative pats he never hugged or felt affection on this level.

"Shh…., please just let me hold you right now."

Jacob fell silent.

The tense silence went about the room for several moments before Paul spoke.

"My mother was dying, you know when she dumped me with Sam."

Paul sighed, Jacob was unable to see his expression.

"She died about a week ago."

Jacob felt something wet hit his shoulder, nevertheless he said nothing.

* * *

There's always a strange clarity when you know someone is going to die. You come to terms with it, you come to appreciate the time spent with them. You want to know everything about them. You want to watch them breath at night to make sure it doesn't stop. You want to say some many things, you just can't express in words. You just want to say thank you, you want to thank so much. Jacob knew Paul wanted to say these things about his mom. He wanted to, I love you, please don't die. Jacob knew in the end Paul could not, he didn't love his mother but he mourned her passing as anyone would. Jacob knew Paul best, and Paul was eternally grateful for their semblance of something.

Paul tensed in the tub, the water was still warm.

She was not a mother, she sent her son away when he needed her most.

Paul was a boy trapped in family that quickly fell apart at the absence of a father who was never truly around in the first place. His mother who treated him like the ghost of his father, she yelled at him whenever he came home, and cried when ever he left.

"_Oh God Tom, please don't leave me again."_

She clung and sobbed into his clothing.

"_I HATE YOU! I hope you die! I hope you rot in hell."_

His mother was an emotional roller coaster that left Paul dizzy and nauseous. He was sick with the notion that his mother most of time had no clue who he was, and seemed not care and continuously brought home strange people. They'd break things and most of the time that Paul spent at the home was cleaning up after his mother's and her guest's leftovers. The leftovers, consisted of broken glass, cigarettes, some roaches, bear bottles, and a few other unsightly items.

Paul could remember waking up one morning and his father was gone; a few articles of clothing were missing and his car wasn't there. As a childe he imagined his father crawling on his belly and trying to slide out the window to escape his mother's clutches. He knew now that wasn't it. He walked out the front door. His father was a tall man who eyes looked like he'd seen and hell. The man's frame reminded Paul of a bent spoon, hunched over and looked like it was trapped in despair. He dug himself into a hole, marrying the woman who he so deeply fell in love with in high school only to discover she was a completely different wife.

For the most part, Paul knew he tried to be a father. But he was man fresh out school with a five year-old waiting for him to come home every night. He wasn't ready he was merely a child raising a child. His father, coddled all his life now had to care for a woman, and a little boy.

Responsibility?

No, he needed to go. Paul was a punishment in his eyes.

He didn't miss his father, and he felt only a deep sadness for his mother. He didn't need them though, he never had. He practically raised himself, from the microwave dinners to burnt toast. He had no one on parent teacher night, an empty seat at his middle school graduation, and a dark home to go to. He joined sports and managed to pay for the uniforms, he was okay. He raised himself just fine. Why did he even have parents in the first place?

Jacob snored and Paul squeezed the boy tightly to him.

Yea, he was doing alright.

* * *

Thanksgiving with his family didn't happen, most of it was spent with Jacob locking himself in his room and Billy alone downstairs going through old photo albums. Jacob hated the delirium Billy brought around the holidays. This was the loneliest time of the year, Paul was long gone with the Uleys and would be gone again for Christmas. Jacob didn't allow a thought of spending those days with James fester in his mind. He shuddered at the disapproving look James would probably shoot him if even inferred. James had enough shit with Victoria and didn't need a 'boy' around the house to take care of as well.

He sat in the dark living room watching TV. Billy informed him that his sisters would be in town for thanksgiving. He narrowed his eyes at the TV, it was only a saving grace that they would be staying at the already cramped house. They stay over at the motel in Forks and drive on over. Jacob stood up. He made his way over to the stairs.

"Jacob! Don't forget to but some coffee in town."

Jacob was getting even more annoyed. Why couldn't Billy just do things himself!

He made an about face as he heard Billy's zipping about the kitchen. He'd do the stupid thing, if only to leave the house. Being in the home the same time as Billy made it feel cramped anyway. Billy's presence was something that prevented him from doing any of normal home activities. He hadn't used his razor in a while he felt a physical craving to just cut himself a little. But this was vacation, and Billy seemed to lurk around every corner. The briefest of minutes he was truly alone was spent in the bathroom with his razor, which eagerly slid open his skin to reveal the red dribbles underneath.

He felt a bit jittery, he needed a smoke.

Jacob slid on a heavy coat to protect himself from the chill of late fall. He slid on a comfy set of shoes and made his way to the door.

He slammed the front door shut and made his way down the path and up the road.

He slipped his cig out his pocket and lit it with his new orange lighter, the cheap kind. Probably wouldn't last too long. He took a puff as he walked, the feeling warmed him up a little. He'd been feeling rather dry lately. Everything was rather dry as of late.

Edward, who Jacob hadn't seen since seeing Carlisle, was obviously avoiding him. The man lived in the next town that Jacob practically lived in, and he hadn't seen him once. He was taking an effort just not to be around. The fact was that Forks and La Push put together weren't all that big. However, he wasn't seeking the man out, he just kept an eye for him.

Sex with a stranger wasn't new. It was gratifying to say in the least.

Jacob gave a dry cough from inhaling too deeply.

Shit, he couldn't forget that night.

It was beyond reason absolutely mind blowing, he wanted it again.

Jacob threw the remainder of the cigarette down on the moist road. He snuffed it out and continued trekking.

Edward, was a former resident of Forks from what he gathered. His father was very proud of his son. Unlike Billy who always seemed to hide him under a rug. He gritted his teeth, sometimes he wondered if Billy knew his horrid truth and that was why he hid him. Jacob frowned and stomped further down the road as a car whizzed on by.

He was getting himself worked up over such a small thing.

Jacob paused to look up at the midday sky. It was an ashen gray with peaks of the sun poking out from small holes in the fluffy clouds. He looked pensive for a moment but shook it off. Why was he thinking about everything now. He clutched again at wrist, a nervous habit. Nothing was ever okay, but he sighed and continued up the road.

He was to get coffee nothing else.

* * *

Rachel was the type of person who'd spend money on frivolous things. She wasted money on facial mask that promised to de-age the skin twenty-years, Then there are cleaning products that weren't even English, she was utterly foolish, she didn't care about anything that was within her little cautiously drawn circle, Jacob just loathed her.

She never came home for holidays and she usually sent Jacob's birthday cards to the wrong address up the road. Half of the cards didn't even know ho old he was.

Rebecca, was worse. She never had anything to say. She'd glare at Billy most of the time and did not even acknowledge Jacob most of the time she appeared.

The door was knocked on hard, Jacob made a move to answer, dreading it already.

He swung it open.

"Hello little freak."

Rebecca.

"Hey there Jakey!"

Rachel.

He gritted his teeth unsure of who to be more annoyed with. They pushed pat him revealing a an awkward looking man behind them. The man sheepishly scratched behind his head, before giving a tentative wave. He was tan, but not as dark looking as Jacob. His hair was an array of dark brown with light brown highlights.

He looked lean but he wasn't too tall.

"Hello, I'm Rebecca's fiancé, Ken."

Jacob's mouth fell open, that was a surprise.

* * *

Dinner was an array of clinking forks and scrapping knives. Billy looked uncomfortable, Rachel looked dreamily around the table, Rebecca had a scowl was constantly whispering harshly at Ken who looked around nervously. Jacob tore through his turkey eager to observe. Hopefully this will end in an argument and he'd be able to just go out or something, probably sleep over in someone's car whatever just anything more casual than this tense dinner. He shoved a fork full of rice into his mouth, he noticed Ken touched none of his turkey but ate up anything else.

"So, you don't like Sue's cooking?" Jacob said.

"Huh?" Ken looked up from his plate, "Oh, It's all delicious but I'm a vegetarian."

Jacob raised an eyebrow.

"I see, yeah that's okay too."

Billy cleared his throat.

"So Ken, was it?" Billy began.

"Yes, sir?" Ken said trying to be as polite as possible.

Billy narrowed his eyes, "How long have you been engaged to my daughter?"

Rebecca rolled her eyes, "Dad, that's none of yo-"

Ken looked thoughtful but cut Rebecca off, "Not too long sir, two weeks."

Billy nodded, "Uh-huh."

Billy folded his hands and shot Rebecca a look. Rebecca glared down the table at Billy. Jacob twirled the fork in the air. He sighed loudly but was ignored as Rachel began to take in the drama unfolding with glee.

"I mean it was only appropriate, since we had the baby and-"

"….WHAT?!"

"Sir...I-I figured you know, it shouldn't well, …um you know-"

"WHAT THE HELL REBECCA! TELL WHEN DID THIS 'BABY'HAPPEN?!"

"I DON'T THINK THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS FATHER!"

Jacob covered his ears at the noise. This how holiday dinners always were, Billy and Rebecca always found something to argue about. The baby was a shock but Jacob knew this was going to happen, when his sister ran off to college there were no more 'family dinners'.

"YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE MOTHER DIED IT GAVE YOU T?HE RIGHT TO STOP BEING A FATHER?! FUCK YOU!"

"DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME OR I'LL-"

"YOU'LL WHAT BILLY? WHEEL YOUR ASS AROUND THE TABLE AND HIT ME? HA-!"

"I SWEAR TO-"

"Billy.." Jacob tried.

Kevin looked scared, Rebecca was clutching her glass and looked ready to throw it at Billy. Kevin for the most part looked like he'd seen better days.

"YOU-"

"I SOHULD'VE NEVER-"

Jacob pinched the bridge of his nose.

"BILLY!"

"What!" Billy gave Jacob his attention.

"I'm leaving, I'll be back tomorrow." Jacob said standing up and pushing his chair back.

"Fine!"

Jacob gingerly made his way around the house, grabbing a hat his heavy coat and a scarf. He slipped on his sneakers and went to the door.

"SHUT UP! I'M SO GLAD I LEFT HOME!"

"I'M GOING TO-"

He slammed the door shut behind him.

Yep, things were normal.

* * *

Jacob spent the night sleeping in the park. The chill of night was better than being at home. He made his way into the market and called up James who sounded pleased to hear from him.

James pulled up pretty quickly. The two of them ended up pulling over so James could fuck him into the car seat, they were barely in the house when the activity began to repeat itself.

In the end he spent another day a way from the house.

It was very late now, he and James were wrapped up in a mess of blankets on the floor watching TV. Victoria's stuff was nowhere to be seen other than her car. Jacob felt a little relieved, did this mean Victoria wasn't here anymore?

"Where's your wife?"

"Victoria? Oh, it's over."

James didn't sound mournful in fact he looked very pleased and amused.

"So you're a free man now?" Jacob said turning around to face James. He leaned closer to James' face expectant.

"Most certainly am, boy."

James devoured the boy's mouth desperate and hungrily. He rolled the boy on his back and the two of them wrested a bit each one of the m grabbing whatever body part they could grope. James bit hard on the boy's lip breaking the skin and giving a taste of blood. James sucked eagerly at the damage.

Jacob moaned, it hurt but it felt good.

He once again thought of Edward, it was different.

James pulled away and Jacob tried to follow.

"No no wait."

James stood up and made his way over to a bag. He dug around in it and pulled out a bottle.

"Try some candy for me will you?"

Jacob gave a pointed look.

"C'mon."

James gave annoyed pout.

"Fine."

Jacob snatched the offered bottle and sat. He twisted and pulled the cap off and shoved a bunch into his mouth. He took them dry, eager to just get it over with. They slid down his throat like a wad of bread.

"How do you feel?"

James looked eager.

"Give me a minute."

James did.

Jacob sat in silence until a sensation came over him, the room was spinning in an array of _colors never known to man. Everything in the room was beautiful, the lights the ceiling everything, he smiled leaning back into the grass wet ground. _

_The brightness and warmth was a comfort it was amazing. _

_His chest tightened and he felt like it was getting sucked in. A cold sweat over came him and the colors began to blur and spin out of control every bone began to ache. His stomach was being squeezed. _

"**We need to pump his stomach."**

_Everything was a haze, there was blue lots of blue and white lots of white._

"**I think we're losing him!"**

_A shock went from his chest as spots began to flash before his eyes. He jerked up into the spinning sky which began to darken. _

"**CLEAR!"**

"_Another set of spots as the color faded to gray."_

"…**he has a pulse…"**

_Everything was dark._

_

* * *

_

**Part One: FALL **_[END] _

_

* * *

_

Next chapter, the long awaited intervention. Edward is there. Jacob focused a and an extremely detailed first meeting of James as well as Jacob's first time, well doing anything.

I focused more on events rather than feelings, so next chapter should be filled with emotional emotions! I'm warning you now its going to get ugly. (rehab)

_Thanks to everyone again.: lilli kitty, rebelwilla, Fruit Fly, stella-calvary, l', mia-dwcut-09, ekp95m, Davii-Hime, WeasleyLover927, and alparker81. _

Don't forget to show some love.


	5. IV

A/N: Be thrilled! We have hit twenty thousand words (+)! CELBEBRATE! I'm in rather good spirits as of late, I dumped my boyfriend (who is trash) and I feel great. ^_^

* * *

**Part Two: Winter

* * *

**

_4. "Andy, you're a star, in nobody's eyes but mine."

* * *

_

"Of all the ways that you could fall  
Well you fell right into me  
You were born to waste my time  
And you knew it"

The Takeover UK_, Running With the Wasters_

Jacob looked sickly, dark circles were under his eyes and his skin felt clammy. He just woke up moments. It was strange thing though, his body felt weak and his arms her exposed. Billy had been nodding off in the corner of the room, when Jacob first let out the tell-tale groan. Jacob felt as if a train had rolled over his body and crushed it. His joints felt like they weren't even there. He tried moving his lips but found they didn't work until several tries later.

Jacob was far too exhausted.

"…where?"

He wanted to know where he was. Even though with sight of the wires and the faint beeping noise told him where exactly he was. He just needed to hear it. He needed it to become tangible, more real.

Billy's head snapped up, and he wheeled himself to the side of the bed, "You're in the hospital son."

Billy, billy, billy.

He gave Jacob a short look of concern.

"Jacob, how are you…?"

It was a rather quiet inquiry; the question in itself was foolish to ask, but Billy's face was grim in the dim lighting of the room. They boy sprawled on the bed, calmly looking might have believed it, but he knew better. Jacob crooned his neck, with much effort on his part, to point more in Billy's direction. His father's hands were folded and he was not looking Jacob in the eye. He looked almost ashamed. _What did he have to be ashamed of?,_ Jacob felt disgust overwhelm him, he'd always been degusted with Billy.

He didn't answer. Jacob did not want dignify the stupid question of his health with an even stupider answer.

Billy eventually realized this and found it fit to hear himself talk.

"Rachel and Rebecca left earlier. You were lucky…the doctor says that much." A pause and a deep sight.

"You've been out for a few days. I didn't go home." Billy continued.

Jacob narrowed his eyes. _Of course, you didn't go home, there's nothing to do there, this is where all the action is at. _

"Paul is coming to see you today."

Jacob wanted to roll over and turn his back towards Billy. He didn't care right now, he was too tired to do so.

Billy looked at the frail boy on the bed; he couldn't believe this gray looking boy was his son. His eyes raked over the cuts on Jacob's arm. Even more disbelief sunk in. His son was obviously mentally disturbed and suicidal. What had he done to deserve this? It was too much, far too much for one parent to handle. Billy wondered briefly, of what life would have been like if Sarah had lived. His family would be less dysfunctional most likely. Yes, he was sure that taking him to Carlisle was a start to end his destructive nature, but he had no idea that it so deep. The sex, the drugs, the suicidal tendencies, what did they mean? Why did it all cluster and explode into this? It was public, personal, and rather bemusing.

God, his son wasn't one of those kid s from a broken home. Why'd he do this?

He looked at Jacob's cuts with even more scrutiny.

"You were trying to kill yourself." Billy stated, he eyed Jacob's arms in the light.

Jacob would have yelled in vehement denial. He would have told Billy to get out the room. He would have demanded to leave the hospital. But all he could manage was a simple one word answer.

"No…"

He felt even angrier and angrier at his lack of ability to move. Billy was being too judgmental, what did he know about his life? What did Billy know about Jacob other than that he was his son. Nothing, he knew absolutely nothing. Bitterness began to fill Jacob's head to a point where it was dizzying; this was the very monster that Jacob fed with drugs, sex, and James (always James) was lurking at the front end of his brain. It paced feeling ill and cornered. This was the wry-wit that made him drag himself over to Paul's, sleep in the playground, and find himself alone with nothing but towels and bloodied razor..

Billy had some part in making it grow. He nurtured it as he would a garden.

Billy lifted his head and looked him dead in the eye.

"You don't have to lie to me anymore, son."

_I'm not lying, I'm not lying, you selfish bastard. You only care because everyone knows now._

"Was everything so bad?"

_What? _

"…what was that Billy…?" his voice was growing stronger.

"Was your life that bad? You need to change…."

Jacob got bitter, he spat out with all the venom he could muster, "What the fuck is your problem. I never had a fucking life from you perspective, do you hear me you paraplegic piece of shit. I'm fine the way I am."

"Jacob, you're a child. You need to grow more."

He was getting under Billy's skin, it was a simple thing to do.

_When was I ever a child? I was always taking care of you selfish ass. I was always the one who hard to wallow in your disappointment and despair. I hate you, I hate you, I hate- _

"Get the fuck out." Jacob said.

Billy sat there looking concerned then angry.

Billy's knuckles cracked.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?!"

Jacob would've smiled if he could, there was the Billy he knew.

"EVERYONE KNOWS! EVERYONE! THIS IS EMBARASSING! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I-"

Veins popped from the wheelchair confined man's forehead, it grew dark with anger and even more so with frustration.

Jacob bit out a bitter laugh.

"It's just an overdose, happens to the best of us." Jacob interrupted Billy's tirade.

A nurse heard the commotion and peeked into the room.

"Everything alright in here, Mr. Black?" the nurse said. Her tone was accusatory despite the polite chirp.

"Everything is fine." He ground out, Jacob's smirk still hadn't left, it irritated Billy.

She nodded smiling. "I'll send the doctor to see Jacob."

She pulled her head out of the room leaving the father and son alone again.

Billy gritted his teeth. He took a breath, a deep one.

"You're alive, you stupid moron, you're alive! Why are hurting yourself?! Just tell me?! You don't understand; that Cullen boy found you in an alleyway….he saved your life."

_Cullen? Alleyway?, Jacob_ stored that bit of information away.

He knew then what James had done, probably dumped him to die alone of this thing. Resentment came over him, and so did heartache. Why? He didn't know.

He put on a stony face for Billy though, letting none of his feelings slip from his poker face.

"I look forward to my release." , the nail in the coffin.

Billy was having none of it.

"No, you're not being released. You're going to rehab. They're going to fix you and hopefully you'll come back normal."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, but felt too weak to argue now.

They boy closed his eyes but not before hearing a soft:

"…if you ever were normal…"

Billy wheeled himself out, leaving Jacob just as alone as he was before.

* * *

~x~

* * *

Dr. Cullen was his doctor.

He came in all smiles and friendly. He looked just as clean cut as he'd last seem him. The same blond hair and even so perfect teeth. God they were too white.

"I'm just going to run some test later. We took blood you know."

Jacob said nothing.

"I'm rather concerned for your mental, as well as your physical heath, Mr. Black."

"Just call me Jacob, please." He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Dr. Cullen gave a smile.

"Of course, Jacob."

A long silence and some scrawling.

"Jacob, you do realize why you're here?", the doctor said.

Jacob laughed.

"Of course I do, I had a little overdose."

Carlisle's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Overdoses aren't 'little', it's perhaps the last sign of a life out of control. Sometimes it's too late even then. "

The boy on the bed could feel humor well up in him, was this_ "the speech"_? The one meant to change his life, make him look at himself and say, "hey I'm on the wrong track". Yes this was it, the pivotal moment. _Hilarious._ His family didn't even bother with an intervention and now, a doctor whose son he had a sexual encounter with, was here to 'save' his life.

"You're an addict, and from our preliminary test several narcotic substances." Carlisle said flatly.

"Yes, I am. But you already knew that from our first meeting, according to information Billy gave you."

Carlisle didn't concede to the nasty tone of Jacob's remarks.

"You're going to die. It's as simple as that."

Another laugh, and this one was drier than the first.

"How much do you get paid a year to do this shit?"

"A lot, but that's not the point. You're merely deflecting away from the serious nature of you addiction. You _are_ clearly injecting from some of the little needle marks on you. It seems from our preliminary test you tested positive for cocaine and heroin. You're most likely smoking it as well. From what I observed personally from monitoring your breathing, your nasal passages are ragged. So you're snorting." It was a long statement to make, but it also very true.

Jacob gave a small nod of agreement, "You guys are good."

He didn't want to feel anything right now.

"Recovery from this will be hard. It's going to take time, months, even years of your life." the man looked down at Jacob.

His look was disarming and made Jacob feel uncomfortable.

"I'm not going to some shanty rehabilitation program.", he lost some edge to his voice.

A deep sigh, "You're father can pretty much force you to go and get clean, you are under age."

Jacob frowned, "…I see."

If Carlisle knew he won that round, he didn't show it. Instead he moved on to the next subject of interest.

"May I ask why you were in that alley?"

Right to business then, Jacob thought.

"I don't know…"

_James._

"Well my son, Edward, said he saw someone dropped you and ran off."

Jacob pursed his lips.

"Now, I'm only a doctor, but I know that you're more than aware hat since that person dumped you they can face some criminal charges, yes? They sold you the drug as well is that correct?" Carlisle gave the boy a hard look.

Jacob felt nervous underneath that gaze.

"…I don't have to answer tat do I. And they didn't sell them to me…..", Jacob said defensively.

Dr. Cullen was not smiling any more and was holding the clipboard with tight fist.

"Edward will want to come in and speak to you. Is that fine?"

Jacob gave a pointed look but agreed nonetheless, "Fine."

"Good."

The doctor gave a tight smile.

* * *

**~x~**

* * *

"Jacob." Paul was at his side. Paul was sitting in one those square hospital chairs that left a stiff feeling in the back.

Paul was stroking his hair; it was safe because Billy had left to go home and the doctor made his rounds. No one would really disturb them. Paul was clutching at Jacob's hand as well. He needed to be certain Jacob was here.

They were both silent.

"You overdosed." He said bluntly breaking the silence.

"…yeah." muttered Jacob.

"You could've died." Paul said quietly, "I'd prefer for you not to die."

Paul surprised Jacob by leaning up out of the seat and laying a small kiss on his cheek. Paul was upset, that was clear to see. The worry lines did not suit his face.

Jacob rolled his eyes, trying to comfort himself and Paul by brushing the situation off.

"…don't get emotional on me." Jacob said.

Paul said nothing.

"I like you."

Jacob looks at Paul, and Paul seems different from all the other times. There was desperation in his eyes. Deep down Jacob knows this isn't what Paul wants to say, but it's all that he can formulate on his lips.

"I know, I understand."

Jacob reached out and pulled Paul's face close for a kiss.

Paul responded, eagerly before pulling away. He gave Jacob a hand look and ran his large hand through Jacob's somewhat greasy locks of hair.

"Stop trying to distract me. I care about you, don't just bury this."

Jacob turned his head away from Paul's scrutinizing gaze.

"I'm fine."

Paul refused to believe that.

"You need help, I'm sorry but you do." Paul's voice was harsh.

Jacob got defensive.

"You don't know anything!"

Paul gave a wry smile.

"Well then tell me something."

Jacob got quiet.

"Jacob, are you going to see James after this?"

The boy in question didn't need to answer, they both knew the answer was yes.

"You're a complete fool, do you realize that? A fool. James doesn't give flying fuck about you-" Paul was getting really angry now.

"I know that but-"

"Shut up, let me enjoy this moment while you're still breathing."

Jacob fell silent and Paul just laid his head at an uncomfortable angle to be closer to the other boy. He knew that Paul wasn't being harsh, but the tone made it seem so. Paul was just, ...he didn't know.

Paul could do nothing, and perhaps that was the saddest part for the two.

* * *

**~x~**

* * *

It was two days later, that Edward finally came by. He sat in the only chair the room provided. He was looking down at his shoes; people seemed to that a lot around him as of late. Jacob couldn't muster up any fight to argue with anyone by now. The vomiting and long nights had taken some of that. He fought the urge to scream, he wasn't even in rehab yet.

"This isn't the way I intended to see you again." Edward said. He wrung his hands nervously.

"I didn't intend for this to happen." Jacob said.

"Funny how life goes, huh?" the pale man said with a jovial tone.

"Funny."

Edward looked up frowning.

"Still think my skin is beautiful?" he couldn't help it he needed to be mean. Days without a cigarette or any kind of fix made him very cranky. He was emotionally drained by now and no one coming to see him other than Paul and he nurses made him feel very alone in the unfamiliar location.

Edward seemed nice enough right now.

"Not particularly at the moment…I mean you look sick. But if you get better maybe I'll kiss you." Edward said.

"Hmm… You're flirting with a recovering addict that's a minor. Aren't you an upright man?"

Edward laughed suddenly, causing Jacob to raise an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, this entire situation is absurd."

Jacob smiled a little.

"I guess."

Edward reached a hand out and touched the tangled nest of hair that was once prettier weeks ago.

"You should cut it when you get out, it practically fried."

The boy nodded and let out a puff.

"Why are we being friendly?"

"I saved your life, and you have nothing to hate me for."

"I could press charges for you having sex with me."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"We both know you won't."

"Yeah."

Edward became very serious suddenly.

"How do you know Jamie?"

_Jamie?_

"James?" Jacob croaked out, "So you know he gave me the-"

"Yes and that he dumped you so he wouldn't get caught."

Jacob felt sorrow swallow him, he knew it was true but it was strange. He felt not close to James, but near him.

"Why should I tell you this?"

"You don't have to."

Jacob didn't he just rolled over and shut his eyes.

* * *

**_xx_**

_

* * *

  
_

"_D-do you wanna share my umbrella?" he piqued up. _

_Jacob was sure his face was flushed, what had he been thinking offering this stranger his umbrella to share. It was silly, why would a grown man pay attention to him in the first place. However, there were times when Jacob could feel the man's eyes rake over him, assessing, measuring, and searching. _

"_No thanks kid." The hooded man said. _

_Disappointment filtered through him. Jacob kicked at the pavement, some gravel moved. _

"_Oh…okay then." He felt awkward. _

_It reminded him of the stinging rejection he felt around Quil. It hurt him, he had no clue why he wanted to something for this man. He felt embarrassed, did the man know? Did he sense there was something strange about him, Jacob waned to flee home and curl into a ball after a nice session with raw skin. He shut his eyes and pursed his lips tightly, a dizzy feeling over took him. He felt awful and his cuts throbbed in his mind, his arms were begging to be torn open, pleading even. _

_And then sigh came to the left causing Jacob to snap out his momentary withdrawal and peek over at the man. _

_The man, Jacob had seen his face plenty of times, was attractive. His blue eyes, pale skin, and hair pulled into a neat ponytail added to a sense of roguishness about the man. He was actually looking at Jacob this time though._

"_Look boy, stop looking so desperate." It was a cold statement. _

"_Huh?" _

"_You're easy. That's it you're just too easy." The man gritted his teeth and gave Jacob a hard look that caused the boy to take a step over a bit. _

_Jacob stared down at his worn snakers, he clutched his umbrella tightly. _

_Fifteen minutes of nothing but the sound of oppressive rain later, the bus rolled in Jacobhopped on and took a seat, alone once again._

_It was two days later when the man told his name. _

"_I'm James." He said. _

_Jacob held the straps of his bag away from his body causing it to press into his back. He didn't need an umbrella today, but that didn't mean that the chill of La Push was gone. He wore a gray sweater that would probably be to warm for indoors. _

_He nodded, "That's nice." _

_He refused to look the man in the eye._

_James looked annoyed. _

"_Hey boy, I'm being friendly, pay attention to me. Aren't curious as to why I'm talkin' to you?"_

_Jacob ignored and feigned disinterest in James actions. _

_James laughed at his attempted neutrality._

"_Hmm…well I'll be straight with you."_

_Jacob didn't turn his head._

_James leaned in real close to whisper into the boy's ear. _

"_You're different, I can tell something's off about you, boy."_

_A hot breath, Jacob flushed. _

"_Mhhm…" James nodded casually sticking his hands in the pocket of his blue jeans He leaned back up. _

"_I'll tell you something about life kid."_

_Jacob scoffed, still a little flushed from the previous closeness. _

"_What would that be?"_

"_People are cruel, you learn to accept it and move on." James stated. He moved a loose piece of hair from his forehead and Jacob watched on with knitted eyebrows. _

_A dim spark came to Jacob's eyes and he voiced it, "I don't want to believe that everyone is bad." _

_He stared at James who seemed smug for a moment. _

"_People aren't bad but, everyone has intentions."_

_Jacob was confused._

"_Like what?"_

"_Oh so you want an example boy?"_

_James looked thoughtful. _

"_Well…let's say I have some space change. I know that I don't need it. So, on my way wherever, I see someone just ran out of money to use the pay phone. Aha! Here then arises the perfect opportunity to get rid of m loose change, so I give 'em my change"._

_James paused._

"_See, I'm selfish and therefore not good.", James explained. _

"_But you just helped someone." Jacob deadpanned. _

"_Nevertheless, the intention was to benefit myself." James added in._

"_I don't understand." The boy said. "You didn't help just yourself, but you helped another person. This then results in categorizing yourself as 'good'."_

_James shook his head._

"_Humans are merely another animal, good s not in their nature. Regardless of your school tells you. Grow up, I did that action for myself. I used that woman to help me get what __**I**__ wanted. I was instantly gratified, do you get me?"_

_Jacob nodded, but was still a little befuddled._

_James sighed, "How old are you kid, five? Can't even understand this…." He muttered. _

_The 'kid', felt indignant. _

"_I'm in seventh grade you asshole." Jacob spat out._

_James raised an eyebrow at the cursing. _

"_So you're like eleven?" _

"_TWELVE!" _

_James chuckled. _

_Jacob crossed his arms. _

"_And by the way, my name is Jacob."_

"_I didn't ask for your name, boy."_

_~x~_

"_I'm going out!" Jacob called out, Billy was in the kitchen. He was already at the open front door. _

"_Oh no your not litt-"_

_Jacob slammed the door and ran up the pathway, it was six-thirty and he was meeting James at seven fifteen. Jacob was annoyed, he was going to be late. It was a long walk from his place to the gas station. _

"_Late, my young friend?" drawled out the tall man. _

_James standing along the side of the building. The gas station was still open as was the little concession store. The brick wall were illuminated by a lamp that hung a across the way as well as the gas station's lighting._

_Jacob huffed, sweat covered his forehead from the sprint he made to get here. He heaved on his knees and tried to catch his breath. _

"_Yeah well Billy was-"_

"_Jamie, who's the kid?" a voice said from next to James. _

_Jacob looked up, it was an imposing man with dark hair combed neat in a center part. His skin was like marble. His shoulder were squared, only adding to his larger appearance. The dark rings under his eyes showed many nights without sleep, and the worry lines in his forehead drained away his youth. _

_The man took a drag of what Jacob assumed was a cigarette. _

_The smell was different though. _

_James turned in the man's direction, "He's with me." _

_The man gave Jacob a scathing look, but after taking a long drag of his cigarette nodded in acceptance. _

_The man reached deep into his side pocket and pulled out a plastic bag fll of white pills that seemed green in the light. _

"_My reward." Piqued the man. _

_Jacob observed James body language, he was asserting some strange kind of dominance. _

_James smirked and pulled his pant leg up revealing a wrap with some needles attached to it, They were short things, but appeared to be full. _

_The man's eyes became needy._

_James removed the needles from his ankle. There wee five total._

"_Here ya go." _

_They exchanged, and Jacob witnessed the whole thing. _

"_You're a king man Jamie." The man fingered the needles with reverence. "You even take the time to measure it out for me."_

"_Yup." James said, shoving the pills into his own pocket. _

_The smell of the cigarette still tingled through the air. _

_Jacob eyed it warily as it burned down to the bunt. James caught him staring. _

"_Hey Ernie, why don't you let my boy here take a hit?" James said. _

_He did not give time for the other to answer, practically retching it from the other's fingers. _

"_Here boy, try it." _

_Jacob took it from James's long finger hesitantly. He lifted it to his lip feeling some of the heat from it. It was so much shorter by now he had to hold it between his index finger and his thumb. He pressed down on the white roll. He inhaled. Too deeply apparently and ended up hacking as it seemed to burn up in his nostrils as well as his throat. _

_James and the other man laughed at bit. _

_He shoved it back into James' hands. _

"_That's not a cigarette is it?" _

_James looked pleased._

"_Not it's just a start."_

_~x~_

_Jacob curled into himself on the bed. _

_James was in the kitchen, this was the second night in a row he'd come over and stayed late. _

_Billy yelled but didn't do much to stop him so Jacob figured it was fine then. Billy always yelled, he always had something to say, but never had anything to back it up. All bark and no bite, Billy was like that. While Jacob had never seen Billy drink himself into to stupor, he had seen him wallow in absolute misery and succumb to his dream world of guilt. It was disgusting in Jacob's opinion. _

_Jacob remembered standing in his father's doorway, his father sitting in the dark bed room with his head hung low, the man grabbed at his head. These are his earliest memories: A man, broken by something beyond his control, unable to move forward. Disgusting, the self-paralysis of one's life and wallowing in the numbness of La Push, would not hold him back. He wanted to live, even if no one else knew. The cuts, being outside, and James freed him. Freed his twisted mind and showed him things. Every sniffle, every cough, every headache, and hungry feeling was worth it. _

_He wasn't there, in this town, in this room, in his head anymore. He was beyond all sense of reasoning. _

_James came back in the room with a carton of cigarettes._

_Jacob all but snatched one from the box._

_James flopped on the bed causing the mattress to wiggle. He put a cigarette between his own lips and lit it up, Jacob's was lit then after. _

"_You know you're supposed to smoke in bed." Jacob said, he was flirting a bit, or what he hoped was flirting. He sat up, looking at James with a playful look._

_James shot the boy next to him a skeptical look. _

"_Yeah, well."_

_James didn't respond to his flirtatious tone._

_Jacob was lying on his back looking at the ceiling. _

_James' shirt was off, he did not want to be caught looking._

_The man laughed, Jacob couldn't see his face. _

"_You see something you want, boy?"_

_Jacob took a deep inhale, he puffed out. To think, just a month ago, he couldn't do this. Now he was a pro. _

"_Nope." , the boy said turning onto his side. _

_James, put the cigarette out in the ashtray next to the bed. He slid up behind the boy; his naked chest pressing warmth to Jacob's clothed back. James slid a hand up Jacob's shirt and rested it against the flat stomach beneath. Jacob gasped, and fought a losing battle against his flushing face. _

"_S-stop! I'll drop the cigarette…" Jacob sputtered. _

_A rumbling chuckle, James was always laughing at him. He felt like a fool. _

"_Give it here, it's practically gone anyway." The man said. _

_Jacob handed it over. _

_James' heat left him for seconds before it was there again. This time instead of going into his shirt, the hands fiddled with his pants. Jacob squirmed away after emitting a squeak. He rolled off the bed, and James scowled. _

"_What are you doing?" _

_James leaned over the edge of the glaring down at Jacob who was now sprawled on the floor. _

"_What are you that much a cherry? I was going to touch you." James placed a hand under his chin, a cross look came to his face causing his lips to drop into a frown. _

"_I'm not a cherry, but-" _

"_Then remove your clothes for me, show how much you aren't a little Virgin Mary." The man said, he looked a little hungry now. _

_Jacob looked down into his lap, he didn't want his first time to be like this casual and impersonal. He wasn't a complete moron James had been touchy for a while, and while Jacob wasn't adverse to the casual 'affection' bestowed upon him by James, he was wary about his own hopes. _

_Yes, Jacob had a small crush on James, a teeny one that wormed its way around his chest whenever the man kicked hi out when Victoria when on her way home, or when they went on deals together. He didn't want James to treat this so, ordinary. But he feared the loss of his attention even more so than where the need to be near this man was leading him. He placed his hands on the slightly open fly of his jeans._

"_**Stop being such a virgin, just take them off. Your shirt should go first."**_

_James was ever inpatient. _

_Jacob's lip trembled a bit, as sweat gathered on his brow. He'd never done this before; let someone see his body for what it was. He was little scared, and a rush overtook him. This was excitingly frightfully new. He stood on his legs, his knees felt wobbly like a child learning to stand. _

_**A whimper, followed by a boy's uncertainty.**_

"_**B-but, …I've never done this before…"**_

"_Look, we both know you want this to happen. You've been making moony eyes at me even before we spoke." James said. _

_Jacob remained unconvinced. _

_The man sighed, "What do you want romance? You want me to tenderly whisper into your ear sweet nothings? That's a cherry for ya'. So needy. We've been here before, and you've said no. What's a taste of pleasure? Isn't experience nice to have. You wanna go find another virgin to have awkward first time sex, boy?" _

_The boy flushed. _

"_I didn't think so. Besides, I don't see a trail of people anxious for a bite of you, do you? Who else is going to want you."_

_The last sentence was clearly a statement, there was no inflection on the end to lessen the hurt, worming into Jacob's already deep insecurities. _

"_No one else cares right?" _

_That was it, the icing on top of the cake, and James knew it. _

**Hook, line, sinker.**

"_No." the boy admitted, "There's no one else who cares." _

_James smirked, he couldn't hold it in much longer. _

_**A deep laugh, followed by a man's certainty. **_

"_**That's why I'm here to teach you boy. Now c'mere."**_

_Jacob stepped toward the bed, James pulled him for a kiss. His tongue was clearly more talented than Jacob's, dominating even. It consumed him entirely and made him feel like he was floating. _

_Was it pleasurable?_

_Yes, but what did he have to compare it to. _

_Was it awkward? _

_Yes, but it was his first time. _

_Was Jacob naïve? _

_Yes, but James loved it._

**~~~x**

**And that was the first time Jacob ever had sex with a man. **

**~~~x

* * *

**

He was released from the hospital the next week, even more signs of withdrawal were showing up but the hospital claimed that a rehab center would be more befitting for him.

Billy partially carted him into the teen rehabilitation program despite Jacob's want to just go home and sleep. His stuff was packed, the place was in Seattle, he was driven there.

Paul was in the car with him.

They held hands underneath a Jacket they placed between them. Jacob's palms were sweaty, and he was nervous. It had been only one week since he was forced to cut contact with him _needs._ Paul would've probably gotten him cigarettes but he didn't want to ask.

Paul was steely eyed and watched the road from out the window.

Jacob was doing the same, looking out the opposite window.

Edward gave him his number to call while he was at the center. He made sure to keep the number in his bag as soon as he could. He had no clue why Edward made him want to get to know him. He wanted Edward to be concerned.

"_You know Jamie?"_

How did Edward know James?

He would've wondered more except the car came to a stop.

* * *

**A/N:** James is a monster. It's so incredibly hard to write him. It's like stabbing myself in the brain. I have been taken advantage of by people like James who see a warrant youth and pick at them. Honestly to people like that it's a game, _use, use and use_. It's exhausting to realize when you've been an idiot. I'm not going to lie, Jacob is honestly a sad person, he can't deal with his isolation and drains it away the only way he knows how, James.

Jacob is not in love with Edward, I'm stating that now. No one caught on, but Jacob has a fascination that don't seem to belong in La Push and Forks. It's to soon for anything such a relationship to develop. He's a child and Edward is an adult (supposed to be). The relationship _**is**_ there, but as of now it's a little unhealthy. So don't worry about the "gross"- ness. It supposed to make you feel that way, but it's also very sweet. _ confusing, no?

God, I just feel sorry for Paul, like super duper sorry. (Thank God I'm a sap for pleasant endings {not happy} This isn't a happy story, but keep in mind I'm a sap at heart. So everyone gets what they deserve full circle. KARMA!)

I hate Billy, he does not understand and in all honesty doesn't want to. Yelling doesn't fix things.

(RANT)Sry I need to rant. Wimbledon has me all hyped up. I cannot stand Roddick he's so rude on the court. And what's with the female commentators on the Williams sisters, all they do is _whine,_ about how the Williams aren't that good. They just undermine all the accomplishments the two have made in tennis and women's tennis at that. They're part of a generation that drew attention to tennis once again. So psh! (END RANT)

Ugh. Sorry this one took way more time than I previously anticipated. I hated my original premise for like the first two drafts I came up with for this part. *bangs head* Okay next one should be longer. 6000 words or more, (I've got 2000 already) No one is just "fixed". It's a fight from here. Jacob finally really has do something for himself.

Next: Rehabilitation center, Edward on the phone, Paul alone, and Jacob spends Christmas very alone (or does he?).

If anyone read all this, thanks!

Thank you for your patience. Love to everyone who reviews, or peeks at this.


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